Spy Story
by Qwizbo
Summary: In which Phineas, Ferb, Perry, Doofenshmirtz, and everyone else's lives become intertwined with international espionage cases. And people try to kill each other. And there's... you know what? I give up on the summary. It's called "Spy Story". What do you expect it to be about? Llamas?
1. Chapter 1

**Well. After more than two years of not writing anything, I have returned. For the most part, this was motivated by the realization that everything I'd written before this was utter crud. How delightfully humbling. Anyway, I'm a big fan of Phineas and Ferb, and this idea is just so awesome I had to do it.**

**The answers to the three questions I know you'll be asking yourselves:**

**1) _Why are the chapters so short?_ So I can get the story updated as readily as possible, and therefore complete as readily as possible.**

**2) _Where are Phineas and Ferb?_ Yeah, that's one of the downsides of the chapters being so short. Next update, they'll be there.**

**3) _Do you have a plan for where the story goes from here?_ Oh yeah baby, it's happening. Already have the next few chapters planned in my head.**

**So without further ado, I present... SPY STORY! (Yeah, it's a lame title. Best I could come up with.)**

* * *

In a top-secret bunker underneath the city of Paris, four of the world's top secret agents were gathered for a meeting. None of the four knew the person they were meeting, just his name and job: Werner Bewegen, agent of the Drusselstein Secret People.

Haruhi Yamamoto, Japanese spy, and Anatoly Lebedev, Russian spy, were sitting across from each other at the circular table. They were both wondering about Bewegen. Their British counterpart, Sarah Farber, was sitting to Lebedev's left and wondering about Drusselstein, a country she had never heard of before. The American in the group, Jack Gillespie, was also seated at the table, but he was not thinking about their current situation at all. He was thinking about the Organization Without a Cool Acronym, which despite its claims that it was an espionage agency, was more probably an animal cruelty agency. Gillespie remembered bringing it up to the others once and having Yamamoto chide him for wasting her time.

The door opened, and a burly man walked in. The spies presumed him to be Bewegen, but he didn't say a word when they confronted him. He placed a laptop on the table, opened it up, pressed buttons for about twenty seconds, and then left the same way he'd entered. The four spies gave each other awkward glances, and Farber was just about to speak when a voice from the laptop spoke first.

"Hello."

Fortunately, three of them had silently figured out what was going on, and thus were not surprised. The exception was Yamamoto, who let out a bewildered "Holy crap!" that drew her a glare from Farber.

The voice continued. "I presume you know who I am. In case you don't, I am with the Drusselstein Secret People, and my name is Werner Bewegen. I have called you here to discuss something of great importance."

There was a pause, as though he expected them to know exactly what that something was. Since none of them did, Bewegen continued: "The King of Drusselstein, Heinrich the Second, is visiting England later this month, and we have reason to believe that there is a plot to assassinate him."

"Do you have more information?" asked Gillespie, and the other three were very much thinking the exact same thing.

"It's a very intricate plan," said Bewegen. "Hundreds of people involved. So we're going to need all four of you. And possibly more. Get everyone you can to England ASAP. Do any of you know a good meeting spot in London?"

Farber chimed in. "Arsenal tube station?"

"On the thirteenth. Ten in the morning local. Invite everyone you can, from any agency you can. Meeting adjourned." And with that, the laptop fell silent.

No one in the room was really sure what to think about what had just happened. They weren't sure whether Bewegen was telling the truth, but if he wasn't, who was he and how did he find them? There was a lot that didn't make sense, but there was still the possibility that this assassination plot was real. And that possibility was good enough for Farber.

"You heard him. Arsenal tube station on the thirteenth."


	2. Chapter 2

**Well. Believe it or not, my original goal for this story was daily updates. Instead, I've gone three and a half months without adding a chapter. But either way, here's chapter two, in which the actual Phineas and Ferb characters are introduced. (I have pretty much the whole story planned out in my head right now. It's just a matter of writing it.)**

* * *

Meanwhile in Danville, there was a stirring from inside the Flynn-Fletcher antique shop. After their rap musical based on the story of Anne Frank had opened to stunningly harsh reviews (one critic's words: "This, by far and away, was the most offensive crud ever staged, even before the flying saucers showed up."), Phineas and Ferb (and Perry) headed to the shop to see if they could find a more appropriate inspiration.

"Hey, look at this!" shouted Phineas. "A medieval chart used for determining whether or not someone is a werewolf!" The brothers exchanged a half-second glance, before Phineas said "Nah."

Their father, Lawrence, who was tending the shop, turned in their direction and said "What's wrong with werewolves?"

"Oh, nothing," said Phineas, his eyes drifting across the walls. "We just don't feel like doing something with werewolves today. Let's see… Atari cartridges, Winchester rifles…" Phineas frowned. "A fossilized My Little Pony doll! Do you realize what this means? Someone's been messing with the space-time continuum!" There was a pause, and then, "Probably just Buford."

Lawrence couldn't hold a chuckle.

"Hey!" Phineas's exclamation came as a shock to neither in the room. "I know what we're gonna do today! We're gonna become time police!" He imitated a movie-trailer voice: "Roaming the timestream weeding out the weediest of criminals for the weediest of crimes – and if you won't face them, you'll have to face _the platypus!_"

Silence.

"Yes, Dad, there are worse crimes out there than leaving a My Little Pony doll in dinosaur times. Now off to the museum!"

But just as Phineas opened the door to leave the antique shop, someone else entered, shouting "Help! Help!" The middle-aged woman had a British accent.

Lawrence turned. "What is it?"

At this point, the woman said one of the strangest things the boys had heard all summer – and that was saying a lot. "A giraffe ate my bra!"

Before Phineas and Ferb could react to this development, a new one emerged. Lawrence turned stiff, his eyes began to glow bright red, and he spoke in a non-normal monotone: "Agent Raventooth activated. Where is my commander?"

"I am your commander," the woman replied.

"Why have you activated me?"

"Come with me and I will tell you. It is not safe to tell you in the presence of," she motioned in Phineas and Ferb's direction, "civilians." And with that, Lawrence left with the mysterious woman.

Phineas stated the obvious: "Well, that was odd." Neither him nor his brother had any clue what to make of this.

Meanwhile, Perry sneaked away about as nonchalantly as he could.


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow, two chapters in two days! Must be a weekend. Oh, wait, it _is_ a weekend. Well, that's not happening again until at least the next weekend, if at all. If I even update the story at all next weekend. For that matter, do not expect me to update on any sort of regular pattern, because I can almost guarantee that I won't be able to hold one (not that I don't _want_ to, it's just that it's impossible with such a hectic life). Oh, and Perry chapter! Yeah, some forms of spying are a lot more glamorous than others...**

* * *

Perry left the antique shop through the back door. The back of the building wasn't exactly as well-maintained as the rest of it; it looked dilapidated and smelled malodorous. It was never intended as camouflage for anything, but it masked quite well one of his lair entrances.

Ordinarily, Perry would've carefully counted steps to find the hidden door. But today he didn't have to. This was because, for a reason Perry couldn't understand, half an envelope was sticking out of the wall. Nearby, sitting undisturbed on the ground, was what looked like a gift basket.

Perry reached for the envelope, but it was stuck in the door well. He pulled harder, but it still wouldn't budge. He sighed, then jump-kicked into the door.

The good thing that happened was that the envelope came unstuck. The bad news was that the door came unstuck as well, and Perry was only barely able to grab the envelope before he went sailing down the concealed slide.

Now, Perry knew well that this slide led to his lair, and he was expecting to end up there. What he wasn't expecting was for the room to be pitch-black. He chattered as loudly as he could, but there was no indication that Major Monogram or anyone else was present.

Clutching the envelope in his left paw, he stuck out his right one and eventually found a wall. Moving along said wall, he encountered what was apparently a mounted button. He pressed it, and in an instant was flying up a chute similar to the one he'd come in by.

Although the chute was lit, it eventually grew as dark as the lair had been. There was a watery _splash_ and a fleshy _splat_, followed by a burst of light and a voice: "What the hell?" Perry examined his surroundings, discovering that the exit he had used led directly to a toilet in a narrow bathroom stall, and that he had quite rudely interrupted the man who had been sitting on it.

As calmly as possible, Perry leaped out of the bowl, chattered apologetically, then crawled into the vacant stall to the right (and thanking his lucky stars that there even _was_ an adjacent vacant stall). The envelope was slightly waterlogged now, but Perry opened it anyway and read the letter inside:

_Agent P:_

_Sorry for the letter, but Carl blew out the generator in the lair while trying to blow up an iPod to win a viral video contest. Anyway, Doofenshmirtz has joined the good side. Yes, I know I was wrong the last time I said that, but this time I'm positive. He's joined the top spy organization in Drusselstein. Sure, he's using a creepy-sounding alias, but secret agents are always good! So your mission is to give him the gift basket we left you. Good luck._

_Major Morogram_

Perry double-checked that last line.

_Major Morogram_

No, Perry wasn't imagining things. His boss had actually managed to misspell his own name. Also, he was pretty certain Monogram was deluded about Doofenshmirtz abandoning evil. But Monogram's mental state wasn't important now. The only thing of importance was the –

The gift basket.

Which was still behind the antique shop.

And where _was_ he, besides in a bathroom?

Perry sighed. This was going to be a long day.


	4. Chapter 4

**So here's chapter four, with Doofenshmirtz. Although there have been some nods before, this is the first direct tie-in to that wierd first chapter with those OC's. It also features the first tying up of a loose end, although the way things are going, I suspect this fanfic is going to be _very _long.**

* * *

Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz was packing his luggage when he heard a knock on the door. He checked the cameras and confirmed his suspicion that the visitor was Perry the Platypus. This was not a surprise to him. What _was_ a surprise was that Perry was visibly exhausted. What was even _more _surprising was that Perry was holding a fanciful basket.

Doofenshmirtz walked over and opened the door. Perry walked slowly, dropping the basked on the ground before standing, completely unprompted, on a large X that had been painted on the floor.

Doofenshmirtz frowned. "Perry the Platypus, are you too tired to fight today? And what's this basket for? Because it looks exactly like the basket you gave me after I saved the ki-." As he was speaking Doofenshmirtz began opening the basket. "-oh, it _is_ the same basket! Seriously, how does this keep happening?"

From roughly the same place where he kept his hat, Perry pulled a photograph of Major Monogram.

"Oh, I see, blame everything on your boss. You know, I'm not even sure I did anything recently that could be mistaken for good. Oh, well. I guess I should trap you." Doofenshmirtz walked over to a panel of switches, then flipped one, which turned out the lights; he quickly turned them back on. The second switch made a mooing sound. The third dropped a massive cage trap down about three feet to Perry's left.

Doofenshmirtz thought for a second, before turning that third switch again, and the cage lifted back towards the roof. "Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz suggested politely, "could you please move about three feet to your left?" Equally politely, Perry obeyed, and Doofenshmirtz lowered the trap again.

"So, about the luggage," Doofenshmirtz said as he launched into his daily exposition. "You see, I'll be vacationing in London for the next few days. I'm going to go see all the tourist attractions and just fly under the radar for a while. It'll be fun. I've set up all kinds of activities for myself. Hiking, cricket, heck, I'll even be LARPing! Pretending to be a secret agent. That's like, _under _under the radar! You know, false name, hiding in the shadows, stuff like that."

There was an awkward silence that lasted about three seconds. "What?" Doofenshmirtz eventually said. Perry pulled out the photo of Monogram again, then pointed to the gift basket.

"Oh, is _that_ why Monogram sent the gift basket? Well, if that's the case, he's an idiot. I mean, I was using a pseudonym. Werner Bewegen. I mean, it's an _obvious_ pseudonym, right? 'Bewegen sie nicht'. Do any of the other ones use their real names? I doubt it. I remember one was Jack Gillespie. I mean, seriously. Blatant pseudonym. Do you think anyone actually _has_ a name like that?

Perry had stopped paying attention as soon as he'd mentioned the name Jack Gillespie. He'd been believing what Doofenshmirtz was saying before then, but he completely recognized that name. Jack Gillespie was not only a genuine spy, but a declared enemy of the Organization Without a Cool Acronym. Doofenshmirtz, in his gleeful stupidity, had managed to fall in with a ring of secret agents _for real._

Doofenshmirtz flipped the switch that lifted the cage. "Anyway, I'm gonna let you go now, cause I'm not really doing anything evil today and I really need to finish packing my luggage for my trip to London. So curse you, Perry the Platypus. Now leave."

Perry left. Doofenshmirtz headed back to his luggage and wondered how, in any way possible, Major Monogram could mistake a silly game for reality.


End file.
